


The Sound of Silence Reimagined

by mimanchiandrea



Series: Meredith and Andrew's Journey to Forever [3]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Andrew DeLuca - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Grey's Anatomy References, Inspired by Grey's Anatomy, Meredith Grey - Freeform, Merluca - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:41:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24920224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimanchiandrea/pseuds/mimanchiandrea
Summary: The third installment of my series, please read I'm With You and Your Love is My Turning Page, Where Only the Sweetest Words Remain prior to reading. This story reimagines Meredith's attack in season 12 to merluca being together set in the future (basically the show's attack did not happen when it did).
Relationships: Andrew DeLuca/Meredith Grey
Series: Meredith and Andrew's Journey to Forever [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1715284
Comments: 53
Kudos: 83





	1. can i handle the seasons of my life?

**Author's Note:**

> In case you are a rebel and didn't read the two stories that came before this, Merluca is married and they have a son named Mateo in addition to Meredith's kids Zola, Bailey, and Ellis.

“Do you even want to be married to me anymore? Do you even love me anymore?” shouted Andrew. 

“I don’t know!” revealed Meredith. 

Both were in shock of what she had just said. Andrew had lost all color in his eyes. She wanted to hurt him and she did. How did everything get like this? They were happy and now, they are here. Why did this happen? 

6 Months Earlier 

“Hey you,” greeted Andrew. 

Like all their mornings, it started with Andrew turning off the alarm and then turning over to kiss his wife awake. 

“Good morning,” responded Meredith sleepily. 

Andrew’s kisses started with her shoulder, then her cheek, then her neck, and finally he found her lips. Meredith pulled Andrew in for a deeper and more seductive kiss, then she flipped them so she was on top. 

“Oh, so it’s that kind of morning huh?” joked Andrew. 

Meredith laughed and then lent down to continue kissing him. Suddenly, the two were interrupted by their bedroom door swinging open. Meredith immediately removed herself from on top of Andrew. 

“Good morning baby,” said Meredith. 

“Morning mama,” responded Mateo, who was now three years old.

“Did you sleep well?” asked Andrew. 

“Mmm hmm,” answered Mateo. 

Mateo who has always been a mama’s boy, snuggled into Meredith’s arms. Andrew placed a kiss on Mateo’s mop of curly brown hair. 

“What should we have for breakfast?” questioned Andrew. 

“Pancakes!” exclaimed Mateo. 

“Good choice my love and I think daddy should include chocolate chips too,” said Meredith. 

“Chocolate chip pancakes for six, got it,” agreed Andrew. 

Andrew gave Meredith a quick kiss and then head downstairs to make breakfast. It was a bustling Tuesday morning in the household. A thirteen year old Zola had to go to middle school, eleven year old Bailey and an eight year old Ellis had to go to elementary school, while Mateo attended day care at the hospital. 

“Breakfast is ready,” announced Andrew, shouting up the stairs. 

Slowly each member of the family made their way downstairs to collect their meal. Meredith met Andrew behind the counter, where they both held each other by the waist. Andrew grabbed a fresh strawberry and fed it to Meredith. 

“Mmm,” hummed Meredith, who then kissed Andrew. 

“You guys are so gross,” interrupted a disturbed Bailey. 

Meredith and Andrew laughed, then they joined the kids at the table. Breakfast finished and then everyone continued getting ready for the day and then they all left. 

Meredith and Andrew dropped off Mateo at the day care. 

“See you later,” said Meredith. 

“Have a good day. Love you,” responded Andrew, kissing her goodbye. 

“Love you too,” returned Meredith. 

Andrew watched her walk away and smiled. No matter how much time had passed, he was still so in love with her and amazed at her every day. Little did he know, their happiness and their lives were all about to change. 

“Dr. Grey patient seems to have faced head trauma. His stomach is swollen,” stated Helm. 

“His stomach is full of fluid. Helm go find Shepherd to assess his head wounds. We need to get him into surgery as soon as possible,” announced Meredith. 

Helm ran out of the room to go find Shepherd. It seemed like a pretty bad train accident. Patients, residents, surgeons, and nurses were everywhere. Meredith turned away from the sedated patient to log him into the system and book an OR. Before Meredith could even react, she was thrown into the window wall of the room. The patient, twice her size in weight and height, placed his hands around Meredith’s throat and squeezed. Meredith used every ounce of power to fight back, which responded in him beating her head onto the window even harder. 

The patient then threw Meredith to the ground. Meredith wanted to scream but her throat was throbbing with pain. Meredith reached up her hand to fight him off when he thrust it to the ground and stomped on her arms. He then kicked Meredith straight into her ribs. Meredith coughed up blood. Everything was painful. Her right arm. Her right leg. Her stomach. Her throat. Her head. He grabbed her by the hair and began to beat her head into the ground once more. Just when all hope was lost, Meredith looked over and saw the sedative that originally must have took him down. She reached for it and stabbed him right in the neck. He soon doubled over and Meredith pushed him so it would not be on her. Meredith could not move anymore. She was lying in a pool of her own blood and it seemed to be coming from everywhere. 

“Dr. Grey oh my God! We need some help in here,” shouted Helm. 

Seeing as Helm went to go get Amelia, she was the first to arrive. 

“Meredith oh my God. We will fix this, I promise,” said Amelia, kneeling down to her. 

Richard, Link, Jackson, and Owen were soon all paged. Tom came in to take Amelia’s place, much to her dismay. Maggie also tried to help, but there were no cardio problems at the current moment to assess. The doctors all scrambled around Meredith, fighting over each other on who should help first. At some point, residents had taken Meredith’s attacker to a different room. 

Andrew wondered what the commotion was all about. He was paged to help a little boy who broke his arm, but it was not surgical. Andrew was curious as to why everyone seemed to be rushing in and out of one room. It was filled with the best surgeons in the hospital, which meant it was a critical case. Luckily, there were no other children in the train crash so Andrew decided to see if he could help with what seems to be, very urgent case. 

“Need any-,” began Andrew. 

Andrew was frozen. His jaw had dropped. Panic rushed over his entire body. This was not a victim of the train crash. The person lying on that table with all her clothes removed to assess the many wounds was his wife. The mother of his child and stepchildren. This was Meredith, the person he loves most in this world. 

“DeLuca get out of here,” ordered Richard. 

“What? No! What happened?” questioned Andrew, broken out of his haze. 

Andrew rushed to Meredith. He was near her head. He caressed her hair with his hand and leaned down to kiss her forehead. Her eyes found his and they were filled with fear. 

“A patient from the train accident had an aggressive episode due to his brain injury from the accident,” explained Owen. 

“Damn it, there is no other way to fix her jaw without breaking it whole,” said Jackson. 

Andrew looked up at Jackson with worry. Breaking a person’s jaw was one of the most painful things a person can experience. 

“Meredith this is going to hurt a lot,” said Jackson. 

Jackson placed his hands on each side of her jaw and snapped her head back. Meredith screamed in pain. Andrew gasped for air at the sound and felt his eyes water up with tears. Andrew hated seeing her in any pain, physically or mentally. He felt like he did when she was in labor, only his anxiety was ten times higher. 

“We need to get her into surgery now!” demanded Link. 

“Everyone good? Okay let’s move people,” stated Richard. 

Andrew followed them to the doors and was about to walk with them through the surgical floor, when Tom stopped him. 

“What are you doing?” questioned Andrew. 

“I have to operate on your wife’s brain today. Which is one thing but it’s a whole other thing that she is Dr. Meredith Grey. I cannot have you in there breaking my concentration with your please don’t kill my wife eyes,” said Tom. 

“Just give me a second, please,” pleaded Andrew. 

Meredith’s team of surgeons backed off to let Andrew get closer to her. She could not speak, but she was responsive. 

“I love you so much. And I know that we agreed you would die first, but that day is not today. Okay? I need you alive. You are the strongest person I have ever met, so fight like hell Mer,” begged Andrew. 

Meredith just blinked in response. Both soon had tears welling in their eyes. Andrew bent down to kiss her and then they rushed her through the doors. Andrew just stood and watched them run away until the doors shut. That’s when he finally broke down. 

“What the hell just happened?” questioned Andrew.


	2. stay with me...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew stresses as Meredith is in surgery.

“You know how much I hate that stupid thing and yet you continue to ride it,” yelled Meredith. 

“Mer I cannot keep having this fight with you. I have been riding motorcycles since I was twelve years old. I know what I’m doing!” responded Andrew. 

“That was before we were married and we had a son. There are a lot of people in this house that love you and want you to come home,” said Meredith. 

“I know Meredith. Nothing is going to happen to me,” replied Andrew. 

Meredith just let her tears fall. She was no longer hiding behind anger and let her fear come to the surface. 

“Oh Mer,” worried Andrew. 

He immediately took her into his arms and held her tightly. 

“I can’t go through that again,” revealed Meredith. 

She means Derek. She can’t go through losing the person she loves most, again. 

“I know Meredith, I know,” comforted Andrew.

“It hurts too much. I don’t ever want to feel that pain again. I can’t,” cried Meredith into his shirt. 

Meredith continued to let Andrew hold her. Then she sniffed her nose, wiped away her tears, and backed up to face him. 

“I die first,” demanded Meredith. 

“What?” questioned a shocked Andrew. 

“I die first. Promise?” asked Meredith. 

“Promise,” agreed Andrew. 

Then Meredith fell back into Andrew’s embrace and smiled like she had won.

BACK TO THE PRESENT 

Amelia and Maggie were called to the many other trauma cases that were happening, leaving Andrew all alone. He decided to go to the attendings lounge for privacy. He paced back and forth with that memory running through his head as well as the sound of her screaming in pain. 

“Andrea I just heard,” interrupted Carina. 

Andrew let his sister hold him and began to cry. 

“I can’t lose her Carina. I’m not ready,” sobbed Andrew.

“I know. I know,” comforted Carina. 

No one ever came to update him. As a surgeon he knows that is horrible news. It means there is so much going on, they don’t have the time. It means that there are complications and they only report back to families when the patient is stable. This is not good at all. Andrew was not sure if minutes, hours, or days had passed before Richard walked into the lounge. 

Andrew stood up and looked into Richard’s eyes. Richard, the closest thing Meredith has to a father, looked like he had aged years in just a matter of hours. 

“Meredith is out of surgery and is being placed into the ICU. Her injuries were extensive. She faced a lot of trauma throughout her body, including her brain. There was quite a bit of swelling, we relieved the pressure, but we don’t know what the results will be when she wakes up,” explained Richard. 

“Okay but she will wake up,” said Andrew. 

“We cannot be a hundred percent certain, but I think so,” responded Richard. 

“I want to see her now,” demanded Andrew. 

“You can, but you should prepare yourself. She is banged up quite a bit. Her bruises, especially around her eyes, have began to purple up. Her neck had to be cut open in order to connect a breathing tube, so there is a big gash that is healing under a bandage,” said Andrew. 

Andrew followed Richard to Meredith’s room. He walked in the room, saw her, and felt sick to his stomach. Her right leg and arm were fractured, with casts placed on both. Her neck and head were bandaged up from surgery. Her face was swollen and purple. 

“Oh my God,” gasped Andrew. 

He ran out of her room to the nearest bathroom and threw up in a toilet. He cleaned himself up at the sink and splashed cool water in his face. 

“Its time to be strong for her now,” ordered Andrew to himself. 

With that he returned to Meredith’s room and sat by her head. He did not want to risk hurting any of her head injuries, so he caressed her left arm instead. He placed a very gentle kiss on her cheek. Andrew just continued looking at her, hoping and praying she would open those beautiful light blue, almost green eyes. Finally, she started to. 

“Hey,” greeted Andrew with a smile. 

Andrew paged her team to let them know she was awake. Andrew tried to get Meredith’s attention, but she was not responding to him. Tom then came in to give her a neuro exam. 

“Alright Grey can you follow the light for me?” asked Tom. 

Meredith did not nod her head like she understood. He placed the light over her eyes and it seemed to startle her, like she did not know he was going to do that.

“Meredith can you wiggle your toes?” asked Tom. 

Meredith looked at Andrew with confusion. 

“Meredith can you hear me? Nod your head if you hear me?” asked Andrew. 

Meredith just stared at him with a confused expression. Tom picked up an empty container and slammed it to the ground. Meredith did not react or look over, just kept her eyes on Andrew. 

“Well that’s not good,” announced Tom.

“What the hell did you do?” yelled Andrew.


	3. i will go if you ask me to.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith has difficulty facing the reality of her situation.

“It could be a result of the brain surgery or a result of her other injuries, that were quite severe,” explains Tom. 

“That’s all you have to say?” questioned Andrew.

“Look, she is alert. She recognized people. She’s not paralyzed. Her hearing should come back. It could take hours or weeks, but her scans show that it should not be permanent,” answers Tom. 

“She can’t hear or speak; how do we even know she understands what’s going on?” asks Andrew. 

“She can write on a wipe off board and Meredith will make it known if she has a problem,” says Bailey. 

Andrew sighs and returns to Meredith’s room. He kisses her on the cheek, takes her hand, and fakes a smile for her. She looks at him like she does not believe it. Bailey comes in a few minutes later with a wipe off board and marker. She writes, “this is how you will communicate for the time being”. Bailey places the board and marker in front of Meredith. Meredith picks up the marker but trembles tremendously. It makes Andrew nervous because without her ability to communicate or hear, Tom cannot be certain on the results of her brain surgery completely just yet. It takes Meredith a minute or so to finish writing. The fact that she is writing with a tremor and her left hand makes the word very sloppy, but Andrew can make it out. It says, “kids?” 

Andrew takes the board from her and writes that Maggie took Mateo home and is staying with the rest of the kids. Andrew also tells her that Maggie is explaining to them that Meredith was in an accident and they will not be able to see her for a little bit, but she is okay. Meredith lays her head back to stare at the ceiling after finishing reading. Eventually, Meredith falls into a deep sleep. Andrew does not share the same ability, every time he drifts off into sleep, he pictures her screaming in that trauma room and wakes to make sure she is okay. 

Meredith’s recovery goes at a very slow pace and the fact that she has to communicate with multiple doctors and people over a wipe off board does not make things go faster either. Meredith feels frustrated. She is still in pain all over and no amount of medication can make it go away. Her doctors and colleagues have conversations about her and she cannot even understand them. Sometimes they just skip straight to Andrew’s approval without telling her. And her residents, who once respected her and thought she walked on water, were changing her bandages and trying to feed her like a baby. Her injuries, the way she is being treated, the fact that she cannot see her kids, that she cannot hear or speak or do anything with her hand without shaking, her entire situation pisses Meredith off. 

Andrew notices Meredith’s aggression right away. After a week, she pulled her hand away every time he went to hold it. She moved her head every time he went to kiss her. Schmitt attempted to do another light exam and she refused to corporate. Every time someone brought her a smoothie or tried to feed her, she threw it. Nurses, residents, friends, and surgeons were all terrified of entering her room. 

Meredith was refusing to drink any of the smoothies when a resident brought them, so Andrew tried this time around. Bailey advised and as a surgeon himself he knew, she needed to consume something. Andrew walked in, sat on the edge of the bed and held out the smoothie. Meredith responded by looking the other way. Andrew wrote on the board, “please?” Then he made a pouty face which always got him his way at home whether it be which show to watch or having sex. She would scoff, giggle, and say “fine”. Meredith was not so amused this time around. Andrew sighed and picked up the board again. He wrote, “what will it take for you to drink this?”

He put the board in front of Meredith. She thought for a second, then attempted to write, with a tremor. “You go home tonight”. Andrew tried not to show how much that hurt, then shook his head in agreement. He held out the smoothie in front of her, she put her lips around the straw, and drank it all. Once she finished, Andrew threw the cup away and went to kiss her goodbye. She rejected, yet again, so he settled for her forehead. 

Andrew returned home and all the kids rushed to him at the door. Andrew picked up Mateo and Ellis and held them in a tight hug. 

“How’s mom?” asked Zola. 

“Yeah, we can we see her?” questioned Bailey. 

“She’s doing good. We thought it best I spend the night with you guys tonight. You can see her soon, she’s just recovering from her injuries and getting her strength back,” lied Andrew. 

Andrew made the kids dinner and spent time with them. They caught them up on their own lives, Andrew played soccer with Bailey in the backyard, and played with Ellis and Mateo. Once all the kids were asleep, Ellis came downstairs. 

“What are you doing up princess?” asked Andrew. 

“I missed you papa,” said Ellis, climbing onto Andrew’s lap. 

Andrew snuggled Ellis and realized how much he has missed all the kids. 

“I’ve missed you too,” responded Andrew. 

“When can mommy home?” asked Ellis. 

“I’m not sure. Hopefully soon, but we’ll have to wait a little bit,” answered Andrew. 

“Can you sing to me papa?” begged Ellis. 

“Of course princess,” agreed Andrew. 

Andrew got his guitar from his stand and came back to Ellis on the couch. He played her a few songs until she drifted off into sleep, then he carried her to bed. Andrew came into his and Meredith’s room after. The room was filled of all of her things and smelled just like her and yet, she was not here. Overwhelmed with the last few weeks, Andrew sat on the bed and cried. After awhile, Andrew got into some pajamas and went to bed. Being in their bed helped him fall asleep and for the first time, he got real rest. That did not last long though, when he received a phone call. 

“Hello?” asked a groggy Andrew. 

“Meredith flat lined, we got her heart started again and now we are taking her to surgery. They need your consent Andrew,” revealed Maggie. 

“What? Why? What happened?” questioned Andrew. 

“There’s no time to explain Andrew, do we have your consent or not?” demanded Maggie. 

“Yes, you have my consent. I’ll be right there,” replied Andrew.


	4. if i die young...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Meredith enters surgery yet again, Andrew reflects on a conversation they had about life and death months earlier.

“Mmm that feels good,” hummed Meredith. 

Meredith and Andrew sit snuggled tightly together in a bubble bath. Andrew is holding Meredith in front of his chest, with one arm wrapped around her chest and the other massaging her thigh. His lips travel around her shoulder and neck. 

“You okay? You’ve been very quiet tonight,” asked Meredith. 

“Yeah just a tough day today. My patient was a sixteen year old girl. She got into a car accident where she had severe brain trauma. Amelia performed a very risky procedure, she lived thankfully but her quality of life will never be the same. She probably will never walk or write or talk ever again,” explained Andrew. 

“That’s horrible. I’m sorry,” comforted Meredith. 

“I’m okay, it’s just cases like these make you think about the people you love. I have no idea what I would do if I had to make that decision for the kids or you. Lose you forever or have you never be the same again,” said Andrew. 

“Either way Andrew, you would lose me forever. Just let me go,” responded Meredith. 

“I can’t just let you die if there is a way for you to live,” reacted Andrew. 

“But that’s not living. I wouldn’t be me ever again. That’s why if I ever get Alzheimer’s, I signed papers refusing all treatment,” revealed Meredith. 

“You what? Don’t you think you should have talked to me first? I’m your husband,” argued Andrew. 

“I signed them years before we started dating,” said Meredith. 

“Why have you never brought that up? We should make that decision together,” replied Andrew. 

“There is no decision to make. Andrew, if I get Alzheimer’s, I won’t be me ever again. I’ll be gone forever already. There is no use prolonging a life already gone,” responded Meredith. 

“So if something were to ever happen to you, I’m supposed to just let you die without hesitation,” said Andrew. 

“Not exactly. If the extraordinary measures will help without causing too much damage, then yes save me. But if I am going to become a vegetable, let me go. I don’t want to live like that and I don’t want you or the kids to live like that,” explains Meredith. 

“I don’t know if I can lose you,” whispered Andrew. 

“If its time, you will. If you love me, you will. It will be painful and the worst thing you’ll ever experience, but it will get better. Not all the way, but just enough to keep living,” says Meredith. 

Meredith lays her head back on Andrew’s chest and faces him. He leans down and kisses her. They get back into their cuddled position. And Andrew prays that day, when he has to let her go, never comes. 

PRESENT DAY 

“What happened?” questioned Andrew. 

“She had a brain bleed. She coded, but we got her back. I just found out that Tom finally stabilized her. She will live, but there might be permanent damage. The tremor in her hands might never go away, we won’t know until her cast is removed but she will probably struggle to walk, and there will be some alters to her personality. Acute memory loss and aggression. We have seen signs of it already like you know, but her problems will only be worse now. With physical therapy and just therapy in general, hopefully the damages will not be permanent,” explains Amelia. 

“But she’ll live?” asks Andrew. 

“She’ll live,” agrees Amelia. 

Andrew sits by Meredith’s bedside, waiting for her to wake up yet again. This time, it takes her a little longer. Two days had gone by and she still lay asleep. Andrew takes her hand in his and begins to cry looking at her. The strongest and bravest person he has ever known, looks so small and fragile. 

“Mer please wake up. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I love you so, so much,” pleads Andrew. 

Meredith stirs awake at the sound of Andrew’s voice. She feels like she has a major headache and everything sounds a little funny as her ears adjust to noise again. Meredith squeezes his hand to let him know she’s awake. 

“Hey you. I love you,” whispers Andrew even though he thinks she cannot hear. 

Meredith squeezes his hand again and smiles as much as she can with the jaw brace still intact. 

“You hear me?” asks Andrew. 

“Mmm hmm,” responds Meredith. 

Both smile and break down into tears. Andrew goes to kiss her and finally she does not break away. Andrew climbs into bed with her and explains what happened as well as how the kids are. Her complications were hard to hear, but she takes comfort in Andrew’s embrace.


	5. the time has come, let us be brave.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith begins physical therapy and is able to speak again.

“Alright Grey you are free. Can you say something for us? It might feel a little strange,” asked Jackson. 

Meredith’s jaw had finally healed and the brace could be removed, allowing her to eat solid foods and communicate again. Meredith takes a gulp of air and moves to say a word. 

“Hello,” utters Meredith. 

“I have missed that beautiful voice of yours,” beams Andrew. 

“Hi,” says Meredith, again just to Andrew.

“Hi,” responds Andrew. 

“Well my job is all done here, I’ll leave you two alone,” says Jackson, who is ignored by them both. 

“I love you,” whispers Meredith. 

Andrew smiles and leans in to kiss her. 

“When can I go home?” asks Meredith. 

“Soon. Link said your arm cast is about ready to come off and you are about ready to make a transition to a boot. Then physical therapy can begin and as long as you remain stable, you’ll be home in our bed in a week,” answers Andrew. 

“Let’s call the kids. I want to talk to them,” suggests Meredith. 

Andrew pulls out his phone to facetime the children. Meredith communicated with her kids for about an hour before it is time for Link to remove her casts and Tom and Amelia perform another post-surgery neuro check. 

“Alright all casts are removed. Hopefully, now that you have your right hand again, the tremor will decrease in your non-dominant hand. Just a reminder though Meredith, you just got out of a cast. Both your leg and hand will still be weak. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or overthink it,” explains Link. 

“Yes and there will most likely be difficult complications as a result to your brain injury and extensive surgery. It will be hard at first, but that doesn’t mean it will last forever,” adds Amelia. 

“Can everyone stop treating me like a child so we can start the examinations please,” snaps Meredith. 

Andrew squeezes her left hand and Link begins his physical test. 

“Okay Meredith, move your fingers,” advises Link. 

It takes effort, but Meredith can wiggle them. Next, Link asked her to squeeze his hand and she did. 

“Hold up your right hand and straighten your fingers,” requests Link. 

Taking every ounce of strength Meredith has, she holds out her right hand. Her hand shakes tremendously, even worse than her left hand. Meredith straightens her fingers as much as she can, but it never reaches all the way. Andrew can see the worry and panic in Meredith’s as well as how much strength it takes her to do this. As a surgeon, he understands her terror. She needs those hands to work. 

“You know, I think that’s enough for today,” interjects Andrew. 

“I have to start physical therapy right away Andrew, if I’m going to get better,” argues Meredith. 

“And you will. I have plenty of exercises that I have not even shown you yet that will help, all you can do from your bed. Our physical therapist, Dr. Noah Benson is incredible and ready to meet with you starting tomorrow,” diffuses Link. 

Meredith’s team of surgeons soon leave and dinner begins. Meredith requests some soup and wills herself to use her right hand to eat, determined to gain control over it again. Andrew’s anxiety over watching her struggle and knowing when to jump in to help her, floods over him as he watches her hand shake uncontrollably. Soup gets spilled onto her bed and clothes before it can reach her mouth. After a few minutes, he interrupts. 

“Let me help you,” says Andrew. 

“I need to do this,” responds Meredith. 

“You need to eat to even have the strength to do physical therapy. Let me help you Mer, please,” begs Andrew. 

Meredith just nods in acceptance. Andrew takes the spoon from her and begins to feed her. For being so talkative just a few hours ago, Meredith has hardly anything to say now. The next day comes as well as her appointment with Dr. Benson. Andrew takes Meredith in a wheelchair to the physical therapy room. As Meredith requests, the room is empty with only Dr. Benson, Andrew, and herself allowed in the room. 

“Hello Dr. Grey, we met a few years ago when the board hired me, but I’m Dr. Noah Benson,” greets Noah. 

“Hello, I remember. You work wonders with vets, so Owen pushed for you,” responds Meredith. 

“That’s very kind of him, but I simply try to push my patients to the limits they want to achieve. So, Dr. Grey, at the end of your physical therapy what do you hope your abilities will be?” asks Noah. 

“I would like to have control over my body again and I would like to be able to perform surgery at the same level,” answers Meredith. 

“Okay then. Sounds like a plan, lets get started,” states Noah. 

Meredith begins with some stretches, then hand exercises, then light weights, and finally it is time for her to walk again. Meredith has on a boot for her leg to continue to heal, but she can begin walking. She does not have the upper body strength to stand on her own just yet, so Andrew helps Meredith up. 

“Alright Dr. Grey, take a step. If you need to put all your weight onto Andrew, that is perfectly fine. All you need to focus on is moving forward,” instructs Noah. 

Meredith starts with her uninjured left foot first. She then grabs onto Andrew as tightly as she can, still feeling immensely weak. Finally, all strength is needed yet again to move her right foot forward. Getting her foot off the ground is practically impossible, but at least dragging it is slightly more manageable. 

“Good. Do it again,” says Noah. 

Meredith repeats the same movements over and over again, till she feels stronger and quicker. 

“Andrew let go,” states Noah, seeing the progress. 

“Are you sure? I don’t think she is ready for that yet,” questions Andrew. 

“She can speak for herself now. Let go,” demands Meredith. 

Andrew looks down at her and decides now is not the time to question it any further. Andrew lets go and steps back towards Noah. Meredith stands up straight and waits for Andrew to get far enough away from her for her to take a step. Left foot forward with ease. Meredith silently demands her brain and leg to work properly. Meredith goes to move her right foot, but it feels heavy and she is unbalanced. Meredith falls down and Andrew rushes to her instantly. 

“Mer you okay?” worries Andrew. 

Andrew asks her a million questions and tries to help her up as Meredith refuses to meet his eyes or answer those same questions. 

“Dr. Grey, would you like to stand up and continue or stop for the day?” asks Noah. 

“Let’s go again,” answers Meredith. 

“Okay. Let’s go again,” agrees Noah.


	6. and i told you to be patient.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith adjusts to life at home, while her family adjusts to her personality changes.

Meredith was finally able to go home about a week and half after her first physical therapy session. It is still difficult for Meredith to walk but she is able to move on her own with the support of a cane. Her right arm is now in a sling and her hands still have a tremor. Coming home to her kids, improved Meredith’s mood greatly. It was difficult to get around the house and help them, but she was happy to be home. 

About two weeks of being home, it was time for Andrew to return to work. Of course, he protested it. 

“Are you sure?” questioned Andrew.

“Andrew, yes. I’m fine. You have not worked in months. You are the head of pediatrics; you need to work,” reassured Meredith. 

“I can take a leave of absence,” protested Andrew. 

“Andrew!” snapped Meredith. 

“Okay. It’s just, you were there for me when I needed you and you took off work too, I just want to help you,” says Andrew. 

“I know and you have helped me. Trust me, I can stay home with Mateo,” responds Meredith. 

Andrew kisses Meredith and Mateo goodbye, then leaves for work. 

Time seemed to pass very slowly to Meredith. Everyday was the exact same. Physical therapy, taking care of the kids the best she could, and never leaving the house except when attending physical therapy sessions. Meredith was eventually able to ditch the boot and arm sling. 

Meredith sat on the couch with the entire family getting ready for their activities. Work, school, sports practice. It was the normal morning buzz in their household. Zola and Bailey fighting. Bailey kicking a soccer ball around the house, even though he is not supposed too. Mateo building a tower of blocks just to knock them all over the ground. Ellis, inspired by Andrew, had taken up guitar lessons and decided this morning to practice. Andrew was rushing around to get everyone ready to go. 

Meredith’s traumatic brain injury, or TBI for short, is the thing holding her back. It’s why her hands have a tremor and her right foot cannot move properly. It is why she has a short memory, luckily only for little things and recent information, but still very annoying. And worst of all for her family and friends, it has caused a short temper. Everyone walks on eggshells around Meredith because no one knows exactly what will set it off. Sometimes its reasonable like getting frustrated in physical therapy and sometimes its over unreasonable things like how someone is breathing. Meredith cannot control it when the rage washes over her, it just happens. She sees red and acts out, even when she really does not want too. This morning, it is Ellis playing the guitar. Meredith had been trying to calm herself down but the sound of Bailey kicking the soccer ball, Mateo knocking over the blocks, and that guitar is too much. 

“God damn it Ellis stop with the stupid guitar,” breaks Meredith. 

Everyone in the room pauses and goes silent. Everyone stops their very noisy activities and stares at Meredith. Ellis’s beautiful, big blue eyes fill up with tears. 

“El, I’m sorry,” apologizes Meredith. 

Ellis ignores her mother and rushes to Andrew. Andrew lifts her up and holds her as she cries into his shirt. 

“It’s okay princess, it’s okay,” calms Andrew. 

Meredith regrets what she says and knows she cannot control her anger, but Ellis is just a little girl. She doesn’t understand why her mom is being mean, just that she is. 

“Kids we need to get going, so everybody get your stuff and get in the car,” announces Andrew. 

The kids move to get in the car. Zola and Bailey help their younger siblings to move out, while Andrew and Meredith talk. 

“I didn’t mean too-,” says Meredith. 

“I know, you cannot control it,” interrupts Andrew. 

Meredith sighs in frustration. 

“Hey look at me. Don’t beat yourself up. Believe me, I know what its like to hurt the people you love the most even though you really don’t want too. It’s not your fault,” relates Andrew. 

“I know, its just I hurt her and she doesn’t understand that,” responds Meredith. 

“I know, come here,” says Andrew. 

Andrew pulls Meredith into a hug and kisses the top of her head. 

“All my girls need hugs today,” jokes Andrew. 

Meredith gives a little laugh in response. 

“Come on. We are all going to be late,” said Andrew. 

Meredith has physical therapy, so she will be going with Andrew to the hospital after the kids are all dropped off. 

“Have a good day at work,” says Meredith. 

“Good luck at physical therapy and are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home after?” asks Andrew. 

“Yeah, I can handle public transportation,” answers Meredith. 

“Okay,” responds Andrew. 

The couple gives each other a quick kiss goodbye and then head for their destinations. Meredith slowly makes her way to physical therapy. 

“Dr. Grey, good morning,” greets Noah. 

“Hello Dr. Benson,” replies Meredith. 

“You been working on those hand exercises?” questions Noah. 

“Yes, annoyingly so,” snarks Meredith. 

“I know but it really does help steady those hands,” explains Noah. 

The hand exercise in question is dumping a huge container of tiny little beads onto the table then placing a bead back into the container, one at a time until they are all collected. Meredith cannot stand it but is desperate to get back into the OR. 

“You feeling okay today, you seem a little off?” asks Noah. 

“You mean I’m not my usual bright and cheery self?” questions Meredith with sass. 

“You know what I mean,” snarks Noah back. 

“I snapped at my daughter Ellis this morning,” reveals Meredith. 

“The younger girl?” asks Noah. 

Meredith shakes her head to confirm. 

“Why?” questions Noah. 

“All of the kids were being loud this morning and Ellis was playing the guitar and I just, I don’t know, reacted to her. Which I hate because she is actually pretty good for just beginning. And she is such a good little singer too. I hate myself for doing it, her face looked like I broke her sweet little heart,” explains Meredith. 

“Listen, like everything, the rage episodes will get better with time and more controllable,” comforts Noah.

“I know, its just not fair to her or anyone,” stresses Meredith. 

“I think you need a break and just time to yourself. And start to get into a more normal routine that gives you more to do than coming here and staying home all day,” advises Noah. 

“Like what?” asks a curious Meredith. 

“Well I know you have been itching to get back to work. You may not be able to operate but you are able to get around. You can start giving consults, teaching residents, oversee your department and the board again, and work in the lab. Spend more time with your kids and the activities they participate in. You and Andrew maybe should go on some dates, like once a week,” suggests Noah. 

“It would be nice to get out of the house. Are you sure I’m ready to be that active?” questions Meredith. 

“With someone as strong as you, yes. You can start today. Go do some things around Seattle. I think once you start having a purpose again, the agitation you feel all the time will start to mellow out. And if you start to feel like you might go off on someone, take a deep breath and think of three things that make you happy. And if its at someone you love like Andrew or the kids, think of three things you love about them to distract from the thing annoying you at that time,” says Noah. 

“That’s good. Thank you,” thanks Meredith. 

“Of course. Same time next week,” responds Noah. 

With that advisement, Meredith decided to head to the ferry boats. Seattle water is always so blue and the air is so fresh on them, it’s the perfect place to start. Once she is seated on the bench overlooking the water, Meredith takes a deep breath and smiles. 

“I can do this,” whispers Meredith to herself.


	7. settle down with me...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith attempts to spark up some romance between her and Andrew.

Meredith started to feel some normalcy again once getting to a schedule that made her feel valuable. Well, it helped almost everywhere. Everywhere but her marriage. There had been such a disconnect between Meredith and Andrew, but he did not seem to notice. Meredith felt like Andrew treated her more like a patient than a wife. The “dates” did not seem to help them either. 

No matter where they were or what they did, Andrew treated her like he was her caregiver. From the questions of if she was okay standing up all day to how she was feeling and reminding her to not overwhelm herself. Meredith tried not to feel annoyed with him because she knew he was just coming from a place of love. She also knows if the roles were reversed, she would probably be doing the exact same things. Still, it was hard not to feel frustrated. 

She decided that night, she would attempt to make things a little bit more normal for them. It had been months since they had sex which was not like them at all. Of course her injuries did not allow it in the beginning, but now there was nothing that should be stopping them. 

“I’m surprised I even got the kid back, thankfully I did though,” said Andrew, finishing his story. 

“That’s good,” responded Meredith from the bathroom. 

“Hey what’s taking you so long in there? Need any help?” asked Andrew. 

“I’m fine, just give me a second,” reassured Meredith. 

Meredith stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. The piece of lingerie took her hands forever to put on. Meredith felt very nervous, which was not like her. But her injuries had taken a toll on her body and confidence. The scars made her feel self conscious. Meredith took a deep breath and thought of three things to make her feel better. 

One, Andrew would never judge her body. 

Two, Andrew has always found her beautiful no matter how she looked. 

Three, this will be good for their marriage. 

With that, Meredith moved to the doorway so Andrew could see her. He was scrolling on his phone so she had to speak up to get his attention. 

“Hey,” said Meredith. 

Andrew looked up from his phone and stared. 

“Hey,” reacted Andrew. 

Andrew got up from the bed and walked towards her. He took her hands in his and smiled down at her. Then he leaned down to kiss her. Both were a little bit awkward with each other, like they had never done this before. The kiss deepened and then Andrew broke it. 

“Are you sure about this? I don’t want to hurt you,” worried Andrew. 

“You won’t. I’m sure. We need this, its been too long,” replied Meredith. 

With that, Andrew leaned into a kiss. Andrew guided them to the bed and gently laid Meredith down before getting on top of her, holding his weight. Andrew went to bed with boxers and a muscle tee that night, so his clothes were easier to remove. The kissing continued as well as touching. 

While Meredith was enjoying herself, Andrew was flooded with memories of Meredith in the trauma room screaming in pain and how fragile she looked after surgery. It is all he could think of and it was not quite arousing. Meredith soon caught onto something was wrong when nothing had progressed past kissing. Meredith took a hand a begin to rub Andrew through his boxers and still nothing. Meredith tried for a few minutes before Andrew pulled away. Andrew lay on his back on his side of the bed and Meredith did the same on her side. 

“Well that’s never happened before,” states Meredith. 

“I’m sorry, just a lot on my mind I guess,” apologizes Andrew. 

Both lay in awkward silence, neither sure of what to do. Minutes had passed before Meredith got the courage to ask a question, a question she feared the answer to. 

“Are you not attracted to me anymore?” asked Meredith at a whisper. 

“What? Of course not, you are beautiful and perfect,” stuttered Andrew. 

“You didn’t seem to think that ten minutes ago,” responds Meredith. 

“Mer that was not because of you I swear. I’m attracted to you,” reassures Andrew. 

Meredith keeps her eyes on the ceiling. Then she gets under the covers and turns away from Andrew, she reaches for the light and turns it off. Andrew lays facing the ceiling still and curses himself for how he just made her feel. Andrew is reminded of a memory of long ago on the night he and Meredith had sex for the first time. 

ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO

Meredith lay on top of Andrew, neither had any clothes on. Meredith’s head was resting on his chest and then she lifted it to look at him. Andrew smiled at her and she smiled back. 

“Sei cosi bellissima (you are so beautiful),” whispers Andrew. 

Meredith smiles again then leans down to kiss him. 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” jokes Meredith. 

Andrew laughs back. 

“I mean it. I mean I really like this area,” flirts Meredith, kissing his chest. 

“Oh and I really like your arms. And your freckles are some of my most favorite things, especially that one on the back of your neck. And that scar right above your eyebrow, where did you get that?” says Meredith. 

“I’m not sure,” responds a hesitant Andrew. 

“I bet it was from that motorcycle of yours,” antagonized Meredith. 

Andrew gives a soft laugh and looks a little distant. Like something was wrong. Whatever created that scar, he did not want to tell her about it. 

“Andrew what’s wrong? Where did you get the scar?” asks Meredith. 

“Maybe we should not talk about it,” responds Andrew, trying to change the subject. 

“Why are you being so weird? You can tell me anything,” says Meredith. 

“I got it from Alex,” reveals Andrew. 

“Oh,” replies Meredith, unsure of what else to say. 

Andrew and Alex had moved past that night so Meredith and Andrew had never talked about it since they started dating. Meredith had no idea what to tell Andrew in this moment. “Sorry my best friend, my person, nearly killed you and sorry I pressured you into letting him go with no regards to how you felt or your injuries.” Nothing could change what happened that night or how Meredith treated him after. All they had was now and the future. 

Meredith decided not to say a word. She simply leaned down and kissed the scar. Then she snuggled back into his chest and he held her. That kiss was a silent “I am sorry” and his embrace to her was an “I forgive you”.


	8. do you still care?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew questions Meredith's relationship with her physical therapist and tries to make up to Meredith for the events of the previous chapter.

Andrew had come to the realization that his marriage might be in trouble. 

Following that very embarrassing lack of sexual encounter, their relationship hit a low. Meredith was cold towards him. She rejected his help, rarely talked to him unless it was about the kids, and made no moves towards intimacy again. Their new tradition of weekly dates had ended already. Then there was the physical therapist issue. Dr. Noah Benson. 

Meredith’s new activity was hard on her injuries, so she started doing physical therapy daily now. She came during her lunch break for a few exercises and usually ate with Noah. Meredith enjoyed his company because he was the only person around her that did not look at her like she could break. Plus, ever since Cristina and Alex had left, she has not found really anyone that she can talk to like she talked to like she did with them. Noah was kind and understood her situation. 

Andrew thought today he would steal Meredith from her quick appointment for a lunch date. He decided to initiate it with a cup of coffee to pay homage to the early days of their relationship. He wanted her to know that he was still attracted to her and wanted their relationship to get better. When he made his way to the physical therapy room, he stopped himself at the door. Through the window he could see his wife and she was not exercising. She was eating lunch with Noah. And he made her laugh. A real laugh. That’s something Andrew had not seen from her since before all of this happened. 

A strand of Meredith’s hair had fallen in front of her eyes and without hesitation, Noah reached and pulled it back into place behind her ear. Andrew felt jealousy rise within him. It might seem like an innocent gesture, but it felt more intimate than that. He had done that many times and usually a kiss was followed. Andrew was not sure how to approach this situation. She seemed so happy and he had been trying to give her that for months. He already felt like such a burden when he was around her, he did not want to start a problem right now. 

Andrew decided, as much as it pained him to do so, he would not interrupt. He would not even bring up what he thinks he saw with Meredith. That will only make matters worse. Instead he plans to give her an amazing date night to remind her of what they have. He’ll make them a special dinner after the kids go to bed. Some homemade Italian food, some wine, light some candles around the kitchen. He can run her a bubble bath afterwards and hopefully try the sex thing all over again. 

Andrew felt horrible and mortified about the last time they attempted to have sex. She put herself out there and his body rejected her. He really wanted to, truly, but he cannot help to think about that day she was attacked. Her body is still recovering and he is so scared of hurting her. Tonight, he would put his fears aside to focus on her. If it was too much, Meredith would tell him and they can stop. 

While Meredith was putting the kids to bed, Andrew got to work on his surprise. She knew he was making a later dinner for them and saw him cooking, but when she returned downstairs she did not expect the set up. 

“What’s all this for?” asks a surprised Meredith. 

“For you. We have already failed on our weekly dates and I think we need some time alone,” answers Andrew. 

Meredith, just seconds away from making a rude remark about why that is his fault, stops herself. She thinks of three things to calm her down like practiced. 

One, the food smells amazing. 

Two, he worked really hard on this for her. 

Three, he is trying. 

“Well the food smells incredible,” settles Meredith. 

Andrew pulls out a chair for her and pours her some wine. The two start eating and talking about their day. 

“How was physical therapy today? You seem to be going a lot lately,” asks Andrew. 

“It was good. The new work load was a little difficult at first, but the daily short sessions help a lot. I think they help way more than when I went once a week for an hour. Noah is a miracle worker,” explains Meredith. 

Andrew takes a drink of his wine to prevent himself from reacting to her saying Noah. The fact that she calls him Noah rather than Dr. Benson now, does not help his uneasiness. Or that she feels the need to see him. Everyday. Meredith’s question breaks him out of his thoughts. 

“What was that?” asks Andrew. 

“How was that surgery with Richard today? I heard it was a rare and difficult surgery,” reiterates Meredith. 

“Oh um. It went well. Yeah, I mean who knows the next time I’ll get the chance to have a case like that again,” replies Andrew. 

The dinner continued and finished with Andrew and Meredith talking about their day and the kids. Meredith offered to clean up, so Andrew took the opportunity to run a bath for them. Andrew had just lit the last candle when Meredith appeared in the doorway of the bathroom. 

“What are you doing?” questioned Meredith, with some annoyance in her tone. 

“I ran us a bath,” answers Andrew. 

Meredith rolls her eyes, leaving Andrew very confused. 

“What’s the problem?” asked Andrew. 

“The problem? Nothing, its fine. I’m fine. Let’s take a bath,” says Meredith at first in a near shouting voice and then lowered by the end. 

Andrew helps Meredith remove her clothes and he does the same to his until they are both in their underwear. Meredith was facing the mirror and Andrew came up behind her. He started a trail of kisses from the tip of her shoulder to her neck. He used one arm to wrap around her and the other to massage her thigh. Meredith felt more angry rather than turned on. She tried her counting thing to calm her down, but it was not working. 

“Stop,” ordered Meredith. 

Andrew immediately backed off and Meredith turned around to look at him. 

“I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong?” asked Andrew, almost at a whisper. 

“Yes! You have treated me like a patient and not like your wife for months and I cannot take it anymore. I tried this with you and you rejected me. Now because you want to, I’m supposed to be ready to go?” yells Meredith. 

“Mer I have been worried about you. I’m sorry if I took it too far, but you nearly died. It was terrifying. And it’s all I’ve ever been able to think about. I cannot even take a trauma case if the patient is in that room. I’m sorry about the other week, I just wanted to make it up to you,” explains Andrew. 

“Well you are a little late. That night was a big step for me. It took nearly all day for me to find the confidence to even try to do that. And you rejected me. It hurt. I don’t know how we will ever move forward or get back to normal when you can’t even look at me the same,” confesses Meredith. 

“I know it did. And I am so sorry. But Mer, I do you look at you the same. You are the same woman I fell in love with, that has never and will never change,” says Andrew. 

“But it has! You do not look at me like you used to. You look at me and see a problem,” shouts Meredith. 

“That is not true, do not put words in my mouth,” defends Andrew. 

“Your actions speak for themselves Andrew,” combats Meredith. 

Andrew feels himself growing angry. How can she not consider the toll of her nearly dying has taken on him? They both had to adjust to a new life. This was not all on him. And this anger makes him say something he promised he would not. 

“Does Noah look at you like you want?” reveals Andrew. 

“Excuse me?” questions Meredith. 

“I saw you two today. There seemed to be a lot more flirting going on than physical therapy. And the calling him Noah, when did that come around? What happened to Dr. Benson? Did you think I have not noticed how happy you are when you come back from therapy?” yells Andrew. 

“Jesus Christ Andrew, what are you trying to say?” scoffs Meredith. 

“Are you having an affair with him?” asks Andrew, terrified of the answer. 

Meredith laughs in utter disbelief. 

“Are you off your meds because you sound like a crazy person?” shouts Meredith not realizing what she has said, until she says it. 

The look on Andrew’s face lets her know she has hurt him deeply. 

“Don’t bring that up. I’m not making anything up okay? I’m not crazy. Something is going on,” responds Andrew, much quieter, and much more broken. 

Meredith curses herself for using his bipolar disorder against him like that. Even if his question came out of left field, that was not fair. 

“Andrew, I’m sorry for how I said that. I’m not having an affair with Noah. We are just friends. He works with people with my injuries and challenges every day. He gets it without me having to explain. It’s been nice to have someone who does not really know me, talk to me like I am not about to fall apart at any moment. You are my husband, I love you,” apologizes and explains Meredith. 

Andrew is not sure how to respond. He is still hurt by her comment and still feels uneasy about the nature of her relationship with Noah, but he also knows what its like to be seen differently by everyone you know. 

“I’m sorry too. For being your doctor instead of your husband. But we are not okay Meredith. Our marriage is not okay. And I am at a loss for words or ideas on how to fix it,” responds Andrew. 

“I know. Me too,” agrees Meredith. 

The two stare at each other in silence. Where the hell do they go from here?


	9. i'm going through changes now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith and Andrew attend couples counseling.

“So why are you here today?” asks Dr. Peterson. 

“We have been feeling very disconnected lately,” answers Andrew. 

The following day after their failed date and fight, Meredith and Andrew decided to take action in fixing their relationship. They agreed on therapy. Both had success with it on their own, so they are hopeful. They agreed that they wanted this to be private from the very curious eyes at the hospital, so they chose Dr. Rebecca Peterson. She has a private practice in Seattle and specializes in couples and marriage counseling. 

“Okay and what brought on this disconnect?” questions Dr. Peterson. 

“I was attacked at work just about six months ago. It left a lot of injuries, I’m still recovering till this day. All of it has taken a toll on us,” explains Meredith. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say your attack brought the disconnect,” states Andrew. 

“No? Then what did?” questioned Meredith, already feeling irritated. 

“There can be a number of factors that causes a drift in a marriage. For Meredith, your attack was the catalyst. Andrew, doesn’t feel that way. Andrew, what for you caused a change in your marriage?” diffuses Dr. Peterson. 

“For me, it was when Meredith started physical therapy,” answers Andrew. 

“Andrew, I’m not going through this with you again,” interrupts Meredith. 

“Going through what again?” questions Dr. Peterson. 

“He thinks I’m cheating on him with my physical therapist and I am not,” says an annoyed Meredith. 

“I believe you when you say you’re not having an affair Mer. But that is still where I feel like the changes in our marriage come from. Yes, your attack and your injuries and all those months in the hospital was draining on us. But that was a normal reaction. We were exhausted and you were in the beginning stages of recovery. But even with the stress, I still felt like we were a team. When you started physical therapy, the things you would come to me for, you didn’t. You talked to Noah about your recovery in a way you never have with me. He has had a positive impact on you and I am grateful that you feel better, but you should be talking to me about those things,” vents Andrew. 

“Andrew, do you feel threatened by Meredith’s relationship with Noah?” asks Dr. Peterson. 

“Honestly? I do. We don’t talk anymore. We are not affectionate. I feel like we are living as roommates more than a married couple,” replies Andrew. 

“Meredith, what do you think about the way Andrew feels?” mediates Dr. Peterson. 

“I would say he is not entirely wrong. But Noah is not a replacement of that. I just feel like he understands what I’m going through more than Andrew and it is nice to have someone to talk to,” responds Meredith. 

“But see, that’s what I mean Mer. You talk to him instead of me because you just assume he understands you better, when you have not even given me the chance. You never have, not even before this,” says Andrew.

“You two have had struggles with communication before?” observes Dr. Peterson. 

At the exact same time, Meredith and Andrew give Dr. Peterson a different response. With full confidence, Meredith says no and Andrew says yes. 

“Okay. Since you say yes Andrew, why don’t you try to explain to Meredith what makes you feel this way,” advises Andrew. 

“Meredith has had a harder and more painful life than anyone else I have ever met. She is incredibly strong and brave, much more than I could ever be. So, I understand that there are a lot things that are difficult for her to talk about. And a lot of those past experiences make it difficult for her to trust me. But it is very frustrating how sometimes she can just shut down or dismiss me. Pretty much for our entire relationship, whenever she has felt like it, she just checks out. And then on her time, we are fine again. She never wants to talk through something, she just wants to move past it like it never happened. Sometimes I know exactly what she is thinking and other times, I literally have no idea. I had no idea how she felt about the way I was treating her following her attack until she snapped at me. If she could have just been honest months ago, we would not be here right now,” explains Andrew. 

“So everything is my fault? Is that what you are saying?” snaps Meredith. 

“No, we both are part of the problem. But if you had been honest with me a long time ago, I could have done something to improve on my end,” responds Andrew. 

“Our session is almost over and I would hate to cut it off in the middle of an important conversation. So I want to leave you with some homework. I suggest taking some time for just the two of you. It could be a weekend getaway or a night in a hotel. Just anything that will take you out of your current environment. Get away from work, your house, and the kids. Just you two in a neutral place. There’s this game that a group of us came up with in the office that we suggest to a lot of our couples. It’s a box of cards and you take turns pulling a card. The cards will have questions that you ask the other. Some are silly and some open up to a greater conversation. The goal is for you to understand the other better and helps get to the conversations that need to happen. Take this game and give it a try. I think both of you really want to fix this, but you don’t know where to begin,” suggests Dr. Peterson. 

Meredith and Andrew take the game. When they get home, they book a little air bnb that is about two hours away. It is close to the ocean and different enough than their current surrounding environment. Amelia, Link, and Maggie agree to help out with the kids for the weekend. They plan to leave Friday evening after work and come home Sunday morning. 

Hopefully this getaway and box of cards is exactly what they need.


	10. love is patient, love is kind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith and Andrew try and reconnect, features flashbacks Meredith and Andrew's past.

Meredith and Andrew had arrived at their air bnb three hours ago. Both were not quite ready to actually do what they came here for. Meredith said she needed a shower, so Andrew decided to go to a grocery store in town to make them dinner. 

Meredith and Andrew ate their food in silence. Andrew kept questioning if now was the time to actually start talking. Finally, he went for it. 

“Do you wanna start that game?” asked Andrew. 

Meredith stopped chewing, then swallowed, and looked up. 

“Sure. I think we need something a tad stronger than this wine to get through this though,” agreed Meredith. 

Meredith grabbed the bottle of tequila she packed for the trip. Then she got some shot glasses and poured them each a drink. They each took it and got ready to play. 

“I’ll pick first,” said Andrew, reaching for a card. 

“What was the first car you owned?” asked Andrew.

“That’s seriously a question in this? I thought this was supposed to be therapeutic,” snarked Meredith. 

“Dr. Peterson said they start off easy to make us feel comfortable,” explains Andrew. 

“Okay, well I had this old jeep. I got it my junior year of college so I was twenty-one and I had it until like my third year of residency before it finally broke down,” answers Meredith. 

Andrew gave a half smile and nodded, then Meredith picked up a card for him. 

“Who was your favorite teacher in school?” asks Meredith. 

“My sophomore year of high school English teacher, Mr. Wilder. I was really missing my dad and it was nice to have a male role model in my life,” says Andrew. 

The questions continue to be very uninteresting for about ten more minutes before the real conversations start to happen. Big questions come up about family life, teen years, and early twenties that lead them to open up to each other about things they never realized they did not know about each other. 

“Oh this is a good one. Tell the story of the first time you had sex,” said Meredith. 

“Oh God, okay. It was very uneventful and very boring. But I was seventeen. It was prom, very cliché I know. Her name was Bree. She was my first girlfriend and it happened at my house because my mom was working a night shift,” tells Andrew. 

“How long did you last?” asked Meredith with a laugh. 

Andrew blushed and laughed. 

“Fifteen seconds,” reveals Andrew. 

Meredith breaks out into laughter. 

“Wow, well I am very glad you fixed that,” joked Meredith. 

“Well what about you? Were you so experienced your first time?” 

Meredith’s smile slowly disappears from her face and Andrew regrets asking. It felt good to make her smile again and now it seems he has ruined it. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, it wasn’t your card anyway,” comforts Andrew.

“No it’s okay. The whole point of this was to learn about each other and communicate right? It’s just, there’s a story I tell people and then there is actually what happened,” responds Meredith. 

“Did something bad happen?” asks Andrew.

“I mean, not exactly. It’s just I grew up very fast. You know what happened with my mom and that just stuck with me. That and my dad leaving. My innocence was lost too my fast and I did things before I was really ready too. I tell everyone I was sixteen, but I was actually fourteen,” explains Meredith. 

“Fourteen? That’s really young,” reacts Andrew, trying to not sound too shocked. 

“Yeah that’s a year older than Zola. It was the summer before my freshmen year of high school and my childhood best friend Sadie convinced me to go to this high school party with her. We both had neglectful parents so we depended on each other, but she was always getting me into trouble. So anyway, we went to this party with a bunch of teenagers much older than us. There was a boy named James. He was super cute and about to be a senior and the coolest guy in school. Every girl was in love with him. Sadie was off getting herself into trouble as I awkwardly stood in the living room observing the party, sipping on a soda. I was much more shy in those days. James saw me and he came up to talk to me. I was shocked that he even wanted too and I was so nervous,” says Meredith. 

THE NIGHT OF THE PARTY

“I haven’t seen you around before,” says James. 

“Oh um that’s because I will be a freshmen this year,” replies Meredith. 

“Cute. I’m James,” introduces James. 

“I’m Meredith,” greets Meredith. 

“You wanna go for a drive?” asks James. 

Meredith tries to keep her expression from showing how shocked she is and stutters for an answer. 

“Sure, yeah that would be cool,” rambles Meredith. 

“Cool. Let’s go,” responds James. 

They go outside and get into James’s dark blue mustang. James sit behind the wheel with ease as Meredith sits very stiff and nervous in the passenger seat. They drive for awhile before pulling into an empty parking lot. James parks and Meredith immediately grows really nervous, unsure of what to do or how to act. 

“You’re really pretty,” admires James. 

“Thanks,” says Meredith. 

James leans over to kiss Meredith and she kisses back. The only other time Meredith had kissed anyone was Charlie Masters in the sixth grade when he gave her a quick peck at a middle school dance. This was nothing compared to that, this was real. This was so adult, thought Meredith. Something out of a movie or tv show. Something she had only ever read or watched, never done. Sadie had. Sadie told her what to do, but that all went out the window now that she was actually doing it. Meredith just followed James’s lead. Eventually, things escalated very quickly. James reached across Meredith to push her seat back.

Meredith had no idea what to do so she just laid back. She was wearing a skirt, making it easy for James to pull down her underwear. James climbed on top of her and entered her. 

PRESENT DAY

“And that was it,” finishes Meredith. 

Andrew was not quite sure what to say. But he did not like what he heard. He felt uncomfortable. While she told the story, Andrew did not see his wife Meredith. The powerful, strong, and brave woman he had fallen in love with had disappeared. He saw a little girl. A little girl with the sweetness of Ellis and looked like Bailey. Andrew got up from his side of the table and walked towards her. 

“What are you doing?” asked Meredith. 

“I’m giving you a hug,” answered Andrew. 

Meredith stood up and let Andrew embrace her. She stood frozen for a second and then fell into his hug. She felt like he understood how she felt about it. She remembered how James drove her back to the party. She remembered how she found Sadie and told her they needed to go. She remembered having a sleepover with Sadie and not working up the courage to tell her until the morning. 

“No way! I cannot believe you lost your v-card before me, with James Sutton of all people! That’s so cool, I’m totally jealous. How did it feel?” beamed Sadie. 

“It felt, it felt weird,” responded Meredith in a quiet voice. 

Meredith remembered how she did not find it as “cool” as Sadie did. It was such a strange feeling. She had always viewed it as something that just happened. When school started in the fall, James passed her in the hall one day, he winked at her, walked away, and she never talked to him ever again. 

“Are you okay?” asks Andrew. 

“Yeah, it was a really long time ago. It just, it changed a lot of things for me. I went from a little girl to something else that night. I started going to parties more. And I discovered tequila. And I started having a lot of one night stands with boys and men who didn’t really care about me,” says Meredith. 

She never really thought about how that was a catalyst for her crazy sexual past. She had changed so much since her nights of tequila and random men. Meredith pulled away from the hug. 

“We need some shots,” stated Meredith. 

Andrew went back to his side of the table and joined her in a drink. They played the game some more before they got to Andrew’s difficult question. 

“What is an unexpected feeling you have about a parent? It can be good or bad,” asks Meredith. 

“I don’t know. I need to think about that,” struggles Andrew.

“Well for me, it was not until I had Ellis, that I truly understood my mother and respected her, even for her faults. I was in a similar position to her in each the worst moments of our lives. And I finally understood why she did some of the things she did. It’s why I named Ellis after her. For the longest time, I hated her for not being the mother I deserved. Now, I understand she is only human. And where she lacked as a mother, she made up in her career. I admire her love for being a surgeon and she transformed the surgical field for women. She was not perfect, but she did the best she could,” says Meredith. 

Andrew is silent for a moment and then he starts. He says something he has never said allowed about how he feels about his mother. 

“My mama was a saint. She was kind. To everyone. And she always knew how to cheer me up. She was my safe place and one of my most favorite people. I love her so much and I always will, but I also have anger for her. Especially after getting diagnosed. I am so mad that she left my father. I am so mad she left him when he needed her the most. I am so mad that she left Carina to pick up the pieces when she was still a kid. I am so mad that she did not let me be around him, to the point that I eventually hated him too. I am so mad because I am like him. I have what he has. And she walked away from him,” reveals Andrew.

Meredith grabs Andrew’s hand and squeezes. 

“I think she did what she thought was best for you at that time. She didn’t think she could handle being there for him and you, so she chose you. And I think if she was still alive, she would choose you,” comforts Meredith. 

Andrew squeezes her hand back. 

“You didn’t leave,” says Andrew.

“I didn’t leave,” reiterates Meredith. 

Meredith gets up from her chair and goes to Andrew. Andrew looks up at her, unsure of what she is doing, but it soon becomes clear. Meredith straddles Andrew and kisses him, really kisses him. And he kisses back. His hands travel across her body before lifting her up and carrying her to the bedroom. 

Their clothes are removed. And their bodies reunite. And just maybe, they might be okay.


	11. remember all the things we wanted?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take a turn with Meredith and Andrew.

He had thought they were okay. That they were them again. That they would leave here and the hard days were over. They were back on path to their happily ever after. 

He thought a lot of things. 

And he was wrong. 

“I cannot believe you went through my phone. What is wrong with you?” shouted Meredith.

“You were in the shower and it kept going off. I was planning to bring it you because it sounded urgent and it might have been the kids or a patient,” defended Andrew.

“That doesn’t excuse the fact that you read private text messages of mine without permission,” responded Meredith. 

“Well I can see why you hid them. What the hell Meredith, this whole weekend you have been texting him. There are months of messages going back and forth between you two. You talk to him about our private life and things that you don’t even talk to me about anymore,” says Andrew. 

“Andrew they are just that, text messages. Between two friends. That is all. Nothing more than that, I promise you,” reassures Meredith. 

“It is so much more than that Meredith and you know it. You are having an emotional affair,” states Andrew. 

“Oh my God, come on. I am not having an emotional affair, that would imply I have feelings for Noah and I do not,” denies Meredith. 

“Damn it Meredith I am so sick and tired of beating around the bush all of the time. You are not the same. You haven’t been since that accident. We are barely even married at this point, more like roommates that exist around each other. I thought we made progress last night, only to see that you have been confiding in other man for months. I saw the messages of you talking about me and how unhappy you are with me,” ranted Andrew. 

“Andrew, don’t. Let’s not do this,” interrupted Meredith trying to diffuse where this conversation is going. 

“Do you even want to be married to me anymore? Do you even love me anymore?” shouted Andrew. 

“I don’t know!” revealed Meredith. 

Both were in shock of what she had just said. Andrew had lost all color in his eyes. She wanted to hurt him and she did. How did everything get like this? They were happy and now, they are here. Why did this happen? 

Both stay silent, staring at each other in shock. 

“Wow,” uttered Andrew. 

Meredith thought for a minute more. These next words needed to be chosen correctly.

“Andrew, I can’t do this anymore,” stated Meredith, much softer than her previous revelation. 

The tone of Meredith’s voice sounded defeated. Like as if she had been fighting an internal battle for a long time and finally surrendered. The light had left Andrew’s eyes and color had left his face. 

Are they over? 

He wanted to ask and yet could not bring himself to do so. He knew what the answer was. She had just told him. 

They are over. 

“I don’t think I can do this anymore either,” admitted Andrew. 

It was true. He was tired of not being enough. He was tired of walking on eggshells. He was tired of feeling jealous. He was tired of bringing her unhappiness. And most of all, he was tired of fighting for someone who had already given up. 

Andrew and Meredith returned home to Seattle. Neither spoke a word to each other on the drive home. Once they pulled into the driveway they agreed on one more week. They would pretend to be happily married for one more week to give the kids a final goodbye to this blended family they had created. Also in this time Andrew would look for a place to stay and they could arrange a custody arrangement for Mateo. 

It is now the night that they plan to tell the kids about their decision to split. No one else but the two of them know right now. Andrew had found a nice apartment more in the city that was available to rent. They decided they would get three days with Mateo and then switch back to the other until a legal arrangement could be worked out. 

All through dinner Meredith and Andrew had trouble looking into the children’s eyes. Meredith could not help to think how Zola, Bailey, and Ellis had already gone through enough change for a lifetime. Then she thought about her sweet and innocent little Mateo who would have to experience this too. 

Dinner had finished and just before the kids went their separate ways for the night, Meredith asked them to stay. 

“We need to talk to guys about something,” stated Meredith. 

“Okay, why so serious?” questioned Zola with a smirk. 

“You’re not having another baby are you?” questioned Bailey. 

“No, it’s not that,” denied Meredith. 

Meredith froze after that. She did not want to do this. She knew she brought this on but she could not tell her kids. She was reminded of the night Derek died. She was crushed, devastated, and defeated that night, just like she was now. But she had to muster up the strength to put her heartbreak away and tell Zola and Bailey some of the worst news they would ever experience in their entire lives. But they were just kids, they were not ready to handle that grief on their own, so that meant she had to be their rock. 

She was here again. Breaking horrible news to her kids, adding to memories that will always be apart of them and not in a positive way. Andrew could see Meredith lost in the headlights. He knew how much she loves her children and how she cannot bear to do anything that will hurt them.

Being Zola, Bailey, and Ellis’s stepfather has been the greatest honor of Andrew’s life as well as being a father to Mateo. Mateo will always have him, but there will be a change with his step kids. And he hated the thought of it. He loves them every bit as much as he loves Mateo. He would do anything for them and he was not ready to not be an active part of their lives anymore. 

But things were going to change. And eventually they would move on and he would have to do so as well. He vowed to be anything these kids needed and if him telling them was what they needed to remain close with their mother, he will do it. He will do anything for them, even if it means he has to be the bad guy in their story. 

“Your mother and I have decided to get a divorce,” announced Andrew. 

The room grew silent. 

The happiness and laughter that had been here just five minutes ago, was gone. 

“What does that mean?” asks Mateo. 

“It means mommy and I will no longer be married. And we won’t live together anymore. We’ll still be your mommy and daddy Mateo, we just won’t do it together anymore,” explained Andrew. 

“What about me papa?” questioned Ellis. 

Meredith buried her head in her hands. Andrew could not bring himself to make eye contact with Ellis. 

Ellis is his mini me. His guitar student. His sidekick. His daughter in their own unique way. 

What about her now? 

What about all of them now?

Everyone in this room had fought hard to make this family what it is. 

And now it’s just gone?

It’s just gone…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry about that. But don't give up hope yet! Still more to come ;)


	12. this pain keeps my heart beating.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith and Andrew both get some much needed sisterly advice.

“Are you sure you’re not just rushing into this decision?” questions Maggie. 

“Maggie let it go,” dismissed Meredith. 

“No, you just told me you have decided to end your marriage over one fight,” responded Maggie. 

“It was not one stupid fight Maggie. Andrew and I have been falling apart for a long time now. I can’t keep doing this,” defended Meredith. 

“Have you even tried?” asked Maggie.

“Excuse me?” replied Meredith. 

“Mer, you’re my sister. I love you. And I will always support you no matter what. But you are the one that checked out of your marriage with Andrew, not the other way around. How can you be sure this is the right decision when you haven’t even really tried to fight for your marriage?” explained Maggie. 

Meredith did not know how to respond, so she didn’t and with that, Maggie left the attendings lounge. Maggie’s question had been ringing through Meredith’s head all day. Meredith could not figure out if she really wanted a divorce from Andrew or not. Meredith found Andrew getting ready to leave the hospital in the parking lot later that day. 

“Hey,” said Meredith. 

“Hey,” responded Andrew. 

The two of them had hardly said a word since that fight. Andrew could not move into his new apartment for another month, so for right now he was staying at Carina’s. 

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I-I’m not sure if I want to get a divorce,” stuttered Meredith. 

“Then what do you want?” questioned Andrew.

“I just, I think I need some space. I think we both need some space. We need some time on our own to see if this is something we really want,” suggested Meredith.

“Well I never wanted a divorce in the first place. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m forcing things onto you,” responded Andrew. 

“How will this work then?” asked Meredith. 

Andrew paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. 

“We have tried things my way and it did not work. So lets go along with your plan. I’ll stay living with Carina because I have not finalized my lease yet and we’ll be separated. We’ll talk about Mateo and I’ll help you with the other kids if you need it. We can talk about work, but that will be it. Until you are ready to either fight for us or end this,” said Andrew. 

“Okay,” agreed Meredith. 

Andrew turned to walk away, but just before he reached his motorcycle, he turned back to look at her. 

“And Mer, this is me fighting for us. I am willing to do anything to get you back because I love you more than anything in the world and I always will, even if you don’t love me anymore,” announced Andrew. 

Andrew turned back around and left, leaving Meredith at a loss for words. 

Andrew returned to his sister’s house that night feeling slightly more hopeful than this morning. 

“Hello baby brother,” greeted Carina. 

“Hey, I think I might stay here a little longer than a month if that is okay?” asked Andrew. 

“Of course, is everything alright?” questioned a worried Carina. 

“I think it might be. Meredith just talked to me and she said she is not ready for a divorce. So, we are going to try something different, one last thing to try and save our marriage,” explained Andrew. 

“What are you going to do?” responded a curious Carina. 

“We are going to be separated. Little to no contact with each other. Living separate lives, basically a divorce test run in a way. Hopefully this will give her the time she needs to finally come back to me,” says Andrew. 

Carina made a face and Andrew grew annoyed immediately. Ever since he was born, Carina would always make the same face if she did not approve of something but did not want to tell him that she did not. 

“What?” questioned an annoyed Andrew. 

“Nothing, it’s just I don’t want you to get your hopes up that’s all. I have seen you practically kill yourself to keep your marriage together and it just seems to me that you have been doing all the work and Meredith has not done the same in return. It does not seem fair to me and I just have a feeling she will break your heart even more than she already has,” states Carina. 

“She’s the love of my life Carina. She’s my wife. She’s the mother of my child. I will do anything in my power not to lose her. I don’t know what I would do without her,” replies Andrew. 

“Well I will be by your side no matter what,” comforted Carina. 

“Thank you,” responded Andrew. 

This has to work Andrew thought to himself. It just has too. They are not supposed to end in divorce, that is not part of their story. It can’t be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you guys there is hope! Still more to come, don't give on these two just yet!


	13. sometimes moms and dads fall out of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellis struggles with Meredith and Andrew's separation.

It has been two months since they separated. 

The only times they have talked to each other was when one would drop Mateo off at the other’s place or they attended the same activity for one of the kids. 

Ellis has taken everything extremely hard. She has had Andrew wrapped around her little finger since the moment they met officially. They were buddies and the best of friends. He was her papa and all of a sudden he was not in her life anymore. 

She was angry and she was devastated. And she let Meredith know how unhappy she was. She refused to speak to her mother. She did not listen. She would not eat at the dinner table. She acted out in school. Anything her little eight year old brain could come up with to be defiant, she did it. 

“This is Ellis’s mother,” answered Meredith. 

Meredith picked up the phone from Bailey and Ellis’s school and immediately knew Ellis did something. This is not first time she has gotten a phone call about her youngest daughter. Once Ellis said a bad word, one time she hit another kid, another she would not listen to her teacher, the list went on and on. 

“She did what?” exclaimed Meredith. 

Ellis’s principal asked that Meredith come pick her up because she was suspended. Meredith was in complete disbelief. She knew what the cause of all of this was, so she went to find the one person who just might be able to make this better. 

“Hey,” said Meredith. 

“Hey,” greeted Andrew, silently hoping she was ready to get back together. 

“I just got a call from Ellis’s school and apparently she cut off pieces of another girl’s hair,” announced Meredith. 

“She what?” questioned Andrew. 

“Apparently she is suspended for two weeks and I have to go pick her up. Can you come with me?” asks Meredith. 

“Of course,” agreed Andrew. 

The two got their services taken care of and then drove together to Ellis’s school. 

“I cannot believe this. Ellis Lexie Shepherd who sleeps with a teddy bear and is scared of the Easter bunny and gives the world’s best hugs could not have gotten suspended from school. This is insane. Where did this even come from?” said Andrew in disbelief. 

“Well,” hesitated Meredith. 

“What?” asked Andrew. 

“This is not exactly the first time she has done something like this. I get calls from the school all the time about her behavior,” revealed. 

“What? Why didn’t you tell me? How long has this been going on?” questioned Andrew. 

“She’s been struggling with everything going on between us and she’s been acting out to get through it,” answers Meredith. 

“Why have you been keeping this from me?” responds Andrew. 

“I-I don’t know. She’s mad at me, not you,” replies Meredith. 

At that point, Meredith and Andrew pull into the parking lot of the elementary school. They go into the office where Ellis is sitting with her backpack, looking extremely guilty. Meredith goes to talk to the principal and the teacher, while Andrew goes straight to Ellis. 

“Papa!” cheers Ellis once she realizes who is there. 

Ellis jumps into Andrew’s arms and he accepts her hug, God has he missed her. Andrew pulls out of the hug and takes off his smile, what she did was not okay and should not be celebrated. 

“Ellis, why did you cut off that little girl’s hair?” asked Andrew. 

“She had an orange ribbon in her hair and I don’t like that color,” answers Ellis. 

“That is no excuse. You know you cannot do that. Your mom said you have been getting into a lot trouble lately, ever since I moved out,” responds Andrew. 

Ellis looks down, not wanting to see Andrew’s disappointment in her. 

“I miss you,” reveals Ellis in a quiet voice. 

“I miss you too princess. So much. But just because we miss each other does not mean we can hurt other people,” explains Andrew. 

“But I’m mad. And I’m mad at mommy, this is all her fault!” says Ellis. 

“No it’s not El. It might seem that way because I moved out and you don’t see me as much anymore, but it is my fault just as much as it is mommy’s. Marriage is a complicated thing. I don’t even understand it myself all of the time and I’m all grown up. Sometimes, people really love each other but it’s hard to love each other all of the time. And there are things that make it hard to love each other. Mommy and I just need some time to figure things out,” calms Andrew. 

“Will you ever come home again?” ask Ellis. 

“I don’t know princess, but I hope so,” replies Andrew. 

Meredith had overheard everything that Andrew and Ellis just said. Her heart swelled. That was the man she fell in love with. How could she forget the reasons she loved him? 

“Time to go home,” interrupts Meredith.


	14. it's been a long year since we last spoke.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith performs her first surgery since the attack resulting in her to reflect.

“Are you ready?” asks Bailey. 

Meredith takes a minute before answering. 

“Yes,” answers Meredith confidently. 

Today Meredith would be operating for the very first time since before her attack. She would be performing a simple appendectomy. It felt a little silly that a decade ago her, Alex, Cristina, Izzie, and George were all competing with each other just to do this very surgery. It was humbling and also kind of heartbreaking at the same time. 

So much had changed. She had changed. She had made it to the mountain top in her career, becoming the best of the best. And now she was hoping she could manage to get through the world’s simplest surgery. 

“Actually I need a minute,” says Meredith. 

“Meredith-,” says Bailey.

“I just need a minute, I’ll be right back,” interrupts Meredith. 

Meredith walks out of the scrub room, she had ditched her cane a little while ago, and just starts walking. She did not know exactly where she was going, just naturally went there out of habit. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be in surgery right now?” asks Andrew. 

“Yeah. But I’m kind of freaking out. What if I screw up?” says a worried Meredith. 

“Take a deep breath Mer. You can do this,” comforts Andrew. 

“But what if I can’t? I’m not the surgeon I used to be Andrew. I worked really hard to be the surgeon that won that Catherine Fox and I’m not that surgeon anymore. And I want to be so bad Andrew. I wanted that so badly, I can’t be less than that. What if I can’t do this anymore?” rambles Meredith. 

Andrew gets up from behind his deck and walks towards Meredith. He rubs his hands down her shoulders to her arms and finally taking her hands in his. 

“Mer, ever since I met you I have admired your talent so much. Way before you were a superstar, I have thought that about you. You were born for this, raised for this. You can do this. You don’t need to worry about that. You have wanted back in that OR for so long and you are finally back, when your doctors were not even sure you could. I have no doubt you’ll win five million more awards Mer. That is your OR, go in and work your magic. You can do this,” motivates Andrew. 

Meredith listens to his words and immediately feels calm. Then she falls into his arms and Andrew accepts her. Meredith stays there for as long as she can before she gets a page from Bailey. 

“I have to go,” states Meredith, breaking away from the hug. 

“Break a leg rockstar,” cheers Andrew. 

Meredith smiles and then returns to the scrub room. She scrubs in, walks into the OR, and approaches the sterile field. 

“Scalpel,” demands Meredith. 

She is given the scalpel and makes her first cut.


	15. just know that i'll be waiting here for you...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the final chapter, will they find their way back to each other?

“And just like that, you are done with physical therapy,” cheers Noah. 

Meredith smiles. 

“Thank you for everything, I could not be back in that OR without you,” thanks Meredith. 

“Of course. You were quite the patient,” antagonizes Noah. 

Meredith giggles in response to Noah’s comment, she definitely made his job difficult at times. 

“I have loved getting to know you this past year, I would hate not to talk to you anymore,” says Noah. 

“Who says we have to stop here?” asks Meredith. 

“Really?” responds Noah. 

“Yeah, of course. There’s an art festival tonight downtown. I know how much you like that stuff, want to go?” suggests Meredith. 

“I would love that. Pick you up at eight?” replies Noah. 

“Sounds good,” responds Meredith. 

Later that night Meredith and Noah attend the art festival together. They spend the night looking at art, talking, and laughing. Noah drives Meredith home that night and walks her to her doorstep. 

“I had a great time tonight,” says Meredith. 

“Me too, we should do it again sometime,” responds Noah. 

“We should. Well, goodnight,” states Meredith. 

“Goodnight,” replies Noah. 

Meredith, never knowing where her keys are, struggles to find them in her purse. As she does this, Noah leans down in an attempt to kiss her. Noah’s lips barely even have the chance to graze Meredith’s when she pulls away in surprise. 

“What are you doing?” questioning Meredith. 

“Did you not want me to kiss you?” asks a confused Noah. 

“No, of course not! I’m married! What gave you that idea?” exclaims Meredith. 

“Tonight, was that not a date? And I thought you and Andrew were separated?” answers Noah. 

“Andrew and I are separated, not divorced. And this is not a date, I thought we were good friends. That is all. I don’t have anything figured out with Andrew but all I know is that, all I know, all I know is that I love him,” explains Meredith. 

Meredith realizes by the end of that sentence that she does love Andrew. She never not loved him. She never fell out of love with him. She loves him. 

“I’m sorry, I misread all the signs,” apologizes Noah. 

“You did, you need to go. And I’m sorry but I don’t think we can be friends anymore,” says Meredith with demand. 

“I understand, sorry again,” replies Noah. 

Noah leaves and Meredith stays on the doorstep with her back supported by the door. She stares up at the ceiling of her roof replaying every moment of the last year over in her head. Meredith goes inside and asks for the babysitter to stay longer and she agrees. Meredith then gets into her car and drives straight to Carina’s house. Meredith knocks on the door with urgency and hopes Andrew is the one to answer the door. And luckily for her, he does. 

“Mer? What are you doing here? Are the kids okay?” questions a worried Andrew. 

Meredith does not answer him with words, instead she takes his head in her hands and kisses him. Out of instinct, Andrew falls into the kiss. Their lips continue to explore each other until reason finally kicks in and Andrew pulls away to find out what is going on. 

“Where is all of this coming from?” asks Andrew. 

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been in love with for longer than I can even remember. I’m sorry I got a little lost, but I’m here and I’m back and I love you,” reveals Meredith. 

Andrew smiles and pulls Meredith back in for more kisses. The kissing continues to Carina’s counter and then finds itself on her couch and finally reaches the guest room that Andrew has been occupying.

Andrew lays Meredith gently on the bed and climbs on top of her. He rips open her buttoned up shirt. He lays a trail of kisses down her body until he reaches her pants, there he undoes them and pulls them off. Meredith reaches to pull Andrew’s shirt off and his pants follow soon after. 

After what felt like an eternity apart, the couple races to touch each other and kiss each other in every way possible. It feels much like the first time all over again. The sense of urgency and unfamiliarity but with the desire to have each other completely. Andrew and Meredith love each other into completion until they both lay on their backs panting. 

Meredith rolls over to snuggle into Andrew’s arms where he gladly accepts her. 

“Well that was fun,” announces Meredith. 

Andrew laughs in response and so does Meredith. Once the both finally calm down, Andrew gently pulls Meredith’s head to face him. 

“Let’s never lose each other ever again,” says Andrew. 

Meredith moves so that she is on top of Andrew completely. She leans down and kisses him.

“Sounds good to me,” agrees Meredith. 

The deal was made. 

The plan was set. 

Meredith and Andrew vowed to never lose each other ever again and that was a promise they kept to each other until Meredith took her last breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I told you all to hold on! I hope everyone liked the ending! Thank you for all of your kind comments throughout the posting of this story! And one final PSA, I do not quite have the time I used too, so for now on I will be posting whenever I can and not weekly.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how many chapters there will be! But I hope you enjoy! There will be a lot of angst! Also, I know nothing about medical stuff so please excuse that dialogue, I literally know nothing. Follow me on Insta and Twitter @mimanchiandrea for story updates and other merluca content!


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